Let’s talk about apologies…

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The face I make when people apologize to me. 

I hate, loathe, and have utter disdain for apologies, I’ve felt this way since childhood and growing up has not altered my opinion.

People apologize so much that it has absolutely no meaning.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, see it completely lost its meaning and I only typed it eight times.

Don’t get me wrong, words have power and meaning but it’s about how and when they are used. I feel, that more often then not, people say they are sorry to make themselves feel better or as a reflex. When you have a disease or chronic illness, or pain the number of apologies you receive skyrockets. People don’t know what to say to you, so they apologize. I’m sorry your skin is peeling off your body like you are a snake shedding. I’m sorry you are swollen and in pain. I’m sorry you had to shave your head because the pain of having hair was too much for you to handle. I’m sorry you still don’t feel well. Are you sure you are sick you look good, I’m sorry you still don’t feel well etc. etc. etc. Everyone is sooooooo sorry, I don’t need your apologies, I don’t need your sympathy, I don’t need those empty words because you are at a loss for words. Or because you want to make yourself feel better by apologizing for something that has absolutely nothing to do with you! Did you curse me? Do you have a voodoo doll of me hiding in your closet that you poke with pins to cause my ailments and now you feel bad about it? NO! No, you don’t so stop apologizing. My body is destroying itself and it’s not apologizing to me, that’s who I really want an apology from, the body that was supposed to help me live my best life but instead has taken away so many good days and turned me into someone I don’t recognize.

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He is my very unapologetic child.

So, you might think I’m super harsh, or possible way to dramatic. You are probably right on both those accounts, I have been known to be those things. My point still stands. I even teach my kids, apologies don’t make things right, they don’t fix our mistakes, they take back our actions. If you really care, if you feel bad, if you are at a loss, then take action. A hug, fixing what you broke, cleaning up your mess, bandaging a wound, I don’t know, whatever relates to what you are sorry for is the action steps you should be taking rather than just saying I’m sorry for the hundredth time. I have to remind my husband constantly that I don’t want apologies from him for the pain and discomfort my diseases are causing, I just want a hug, a hand to hold, or kiss me, any action that makes me feel like he is there with me and for me. Words and actions each have their place and time, I firmly believe that apologies are better in the form of an action than words alone, and everyone please stop apologizing for everything that does not need an actual apology. This doesn’t just apply to sick people by the way, there are times when you may ask someone how things are going, how they have been, or how they are feeling, when they give an honest answer that’s not “good” or “fine” take beat, it’s really ok to take a moment and think of an actual response or action that is meaningful and appropriate. That or just don’t ask questions you can’t handle an actual response to.

Best Wishes,

Lupus

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